I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
