i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
