The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
