My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
