My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
