before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
