there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize