So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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