Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Don't EVER smell your tampon
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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