we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize