So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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