any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
