I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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