hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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