Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
