I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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