Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
