Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
