If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
