Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
