i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
