My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Is this like a preordered booty call?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
