Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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