You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
