Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
i need to put some appletini on your dick
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I want a musical about memes.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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