Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
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