i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
