is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Randomize
