And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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