Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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