I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
