I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
