you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
you are never too drunk for berry picking
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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