like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
