A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
