Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Fuck appropriateness.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
