i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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