If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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