do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
