he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
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