I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
