Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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