I hate your face
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
