I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
