dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
