So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
