I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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