I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
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