I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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