never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
