the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
