My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
