I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize