12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
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It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
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I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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