is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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