Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize