so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
