Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
