Please, let me fuck your mom
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
