I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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