By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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