Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
