I think i peed on brittanys purse
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
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I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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