I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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