he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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