Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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