i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
i dont even know how to be here
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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