Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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