i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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