I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
