Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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