my text book just quoted the cookie monster
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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