YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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