What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
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She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
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I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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