If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
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Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
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We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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