A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
