One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
