I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
