I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
